i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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