I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
