i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We are all done wearing pants today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
