I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex on a dog bed..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
