Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
another moral hangover. fuck.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So much rum. So many feels.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
