NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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