I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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