Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
