You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
