whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
