yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
