that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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