Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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