feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
