Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
