Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
