Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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