I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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