he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
