can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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