He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
