"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
zippers are such a cool invention
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
