I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
