no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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