hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We left an ass print on the piano.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My feet surprised me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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