what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
