just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
