There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
