On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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