what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
