You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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