im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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