I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
