Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In America we eat man semen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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