why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
