i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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