he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
