I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
