I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
