I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
