John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
