he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
