Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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