Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
as a side note pls kill me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
