A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
