The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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