According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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