The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
