fuck your aforementioned shoe
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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