Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
