$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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