i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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