Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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