found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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