finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
