he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
false alarm, still single
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
