Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
