You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
