I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think i have two assholes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
