My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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