I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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