we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
