Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
