I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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