the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
