And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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