I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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