i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
