He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
