STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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