I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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