The maid of honor just puked.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
