so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
