There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
