just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize